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Take a Rest
I’m a pastor’s kid, but when I was five years old, I was sexually abused.
Those experiences confused me about emotions, sex and spirituality,
and my sexual arousal was awakened far earlier than God intended.
When I was 11, I stole pornographic magazines from a drug store. I knew
it was wrong, so I tried to give up pornography several times. At a youth
camp, I gave my sinful behavior to God, but he didn’t take my desires
away like I hoped he would. Then at 16 at another youth camp, I
dedicated my life to ministry. I thought surely this would free me from all
my sexual lust, but again, I was disappointed. The cravings continued.
Debbie and I started dating my freshman year in college. We got
married four years later. I thought finding the love of my life—which she
was and is—would set me free from my sexual craziness. I was shocked,
disappointed and frightened that my craving didn’t go away when we got
married.
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Our sexual relations were normal, but marriage didn’t stop my
lustful fantasies, pornography and frequent masturbation. In graduate
school, my sexual acting out accelerated. At that time, I went to my
first massage parlor. I didn’t engage in intercourse there, but I was involved
in other sexual behaviors.
My first ministry job was as a
marriage and family counselor. I
began having sexual encounters with
women involving brief experiences
without intercourse. These escalated
in intensity. The worst thing I did was
inappropriate touching with women
who were my clients in counseling.
Debbie didn’t know about all of this.
She only knew that we were very busy
and that I experienced some sexual
tension in our marriage. People
thought we were the ideal Christian
couple, and I was happy to have that
reputation.
In 1987, one of the women with
whom I was involved reported me to
my medical colleagues. They
intervened on me and fired me from
all the work I was doing. In addition, I
was ministering at the church,
teaching at the local Christian college,
speaking at conferences and serving
on the school board. My colleagues
took me out of all of this and sent me
home for a year. In the intervention, a
doctor, who was a recovering
alcoholic, walked over to me and
asked me to stand. I fell into his arms,
and he lovingly told me, “Mark, your
sins with sex are really no different
than mine with alcohol.” He asked me
to trust him enough to go to a
treatment center. The Holy Spirit
showed me love and direction
through this dear doctor.
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Debbie came up to the treatment
center during family week. In addition
to staying married to me and
forgiving me, the greatest gift she
gave me was to enter the recovery
process herself to heal the hurts she
experienced through this ordeal. She
didn’t wait for me to get well. She
jumped in and got involved in her
own counseling and support group.
Together, we’ve learned to depend on
Christ and depend on each other.
In addition to sexual addiction, I
had to begin recovery for
workaholism. During my time at the
treatment center, I spent time
thinking and praying, and I sensed
God saying to me, “Mark, take a rest. I
don’t want you to do any professional
work for a year.” I went home to be
with Debbie and the children and to
experience God’s healing grace. Then,
exactly one year later to the day, I was
hired to work at a treatment center.
During that year, I realized that my
addiction was, at the heart of it,
selfishness. I wanted my own way, to
satisfy my own desires and to depend
on myself to meet my needs. Now I
had to learn what was really
important in life and to depend on
God.
I hope every person who struggles
with sexual addiction will reach out
to get help. Satan keeps us bound up
and isolated if we remain alone, but
when we have the courage to ask for
help, we open our lives to the
powerful healing touch of God and
people who care for us.
—Mark
Get your copy of the Journey of Recovery New Testament that will encourage you with 11 stories of recovery.
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